Wowcher Tries… Scary Beauty Products

Scary beauty products

I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for a good beauty trend. After years of late nights, smoking and hungover Sundays filled with nothing but day-old takeaway and regret, I’ll try anything in an attempt to shed my swamp-monster weekend self and appear at least vaguely human come Monday morning. The only problem is that a lot of this new-fangled technology that’s out on the market right now can seem downright terrifying. When faced with some new gizmo or gadget I often find myself asking ‘what am I meant to do with this?’, or ‘is this safe on human skin?’, or even ‘where the hell am I meant to stick THAT thing?’.  So, if like me, you enjoy a good beauty bargain but would also like to avoid an awkward trip down to A&E, sat between the kid with a marble wedged up their nose and that guy who insists that he ‘just tripped and fell and it got stuck there I promise…’, then this little guide is here to talk you through some of Wowcher’s top beauty products… Basically, I’ve made all the mistakes first so you don’t have to.

Electric Vacuum and Face Cleanser

In a nutshell: A hoover for your face basically, which claims to literally suck out all the gunk from your pores (not the correct term I’m sure but hey, I’m no scientist) and improve circulation for a better complexion.

Well this thing certainly wasn’t lying by calling itself a vacuum! The feelings of initial curiosity, surprise, then sheer panic will strike a familiar chord with anyone who’s ever accidentally sucked up a bit of their arm or leg by accident when doing the hoovering. It comes with four different attachments, including a microcrystal nozzle for exfoliation and smaller nozzles for more sensitive areas, such as your eyes and mouth, which all have different levels of intensity. Now, if you are only going to take away one bit of advice from me, let it be this – make sure to do all of this in front of a mirror and in good lighting. Just trust me on this one. The first time I tried this I decided to absent-mindedly watch the telly at the same time, not really paying much attention to what I was doing… I was then greeted by two rather beautiful eye bruises when I finally did decide to look in the mirror. They went away after a couple of days, but I would recommended only leaving the vacuum on an area of skin for a couple of seconds each time to avoid the panda-eye look.

The end result: My skin did look and feel smoother after a few uses, but you should definitely use with caution, this thing is not to be messed around with! I would also follow up with some good moisturiser, as it is pretty heaving going on your skin and can dry the skin out if you’re prone to sensitive skin.

Charcoal Teeth Whitening Powder

In a nutshell: A black powder infused with charcoal that you brush onto your teeth and which temporarily makes your mouth look like that of a medieval peasant’s.

It may seem a bit counter-intuitive to stick a lot of black stuff all over your teeth to make them whiter, but charcoal is known to have a wide range of health benefits, including helping to remove toxins from the body as well as whitening teeth. What’s more, it’s completely natural so makes a great alternative for other more potent chemical whiteners that you might not want to risk slathering all over your gnashers. Even though the idea of rubbing sooty charcoal all over my mouth seemed terrifying to me at first, it was so easy to use and didn’t leave any weird taste or feeling in my mouth like I feared it might. In the end, the only thing that scared me about this was the clean-up afterwards – this stuff gets EVERYWHERE and will stain your surfaces if not wiped up immediately, so you need to be on it straight away to avoid your bathroom looking like an explosion in an oil factory.

The end result: I was sceptical at first, but it actually works! The effects are not permanent so you do have to use it regularly, and it won’t do much for more deeply embedded stains, but it’s perfect as a quick and easy way to get rid of those annoying surface stains. I definitely started to see a difference after just a couple of uses, and you don’t have to use much so that pot will last you ages.

Blackhead Peel-Off Mask

In a nutshell: The most heavy-duty face mask you can think of, pretty much like super-strong face Sellotape to rip all the bad stuff out of your pores.

First things first, you can forget about any notion of face masks being a lovely relaxing endeavour to wind down after a long day – this one is more like an endurance test. It is designed to glue onto your face so tightly that it feels like it has become a second skin, and is about as painful to remove as you can imagine this to be… Ok, I may be being slightly dramatic here, but if you’ve dared to watch any of the YouTube videos then I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about! My tip here would be to slather a really thick layer all over your face, and make sure there aren’t any stray bits here or there – that way you can remove the whole thing in one fell swoop. And perhaps avoid anywhere near your hairline or the odd bit of lady sideburn – you don’t want this thing to double up as a hair remover.

The end result: It may be painful, but no pain no gain right? Once I’d managed to actually get the thing off my face, my skin was smoother than it had felt in years and a lot of my blackheads had indeed disappeared. It even got rid of my face grease, until the inevitable oiliness came back after about a week – but hey, it was good while it lasted!

Exfoliating Foot Socks

In a nutshell: Face masks for your feet basically, except with these your feet will slowly start to shed their skin and leave them reborn – the closest thing to a spiritual experience your feet can get.

These really couldn’t be simpler to use, and makes a great change from all those sticky and messy foot creams that get all over the carpet. All you have to do is pop them over your feet like socks, put some socks on over the top to lock in all that moisturising goodness and wait for half an hour – and there you have it! Your new feet will be delivered to you in the next seven days. It did come as a bit of a relief to me that your skin gradually peels off over a week and not all just there and then in one go like a couple of deranged skin-shedding snakes. Just take a couple of minutes each day (probably away from polite society) to have a good old peel.

The end result: As long as you can put up with your feet being a bit tepid for about half an hour then I would definitely give this a try. Best case scenario, you’ll get yourself some brand spanking new feet, rising from the ashes of your old ones like lovely little phoenixes. And even if it doesn’t quite work out like that for you that way, then at least they’ll smell of aloe vera for the next couple of days. And we all know that we could use a little help in that department every now and again.

Please note that all deals featured may not be live.