The Search for Mr Swipe Right


Have you ever Googled “good Tinder chat lines”? “How to get a swipe right”? Well, Google no more, as we’ve been tirelessly Tindering to give you some tips and tricks! It’s not easy standing out when competing with a sea of preened and pouting princesses. We’re not claiming to be the experts (obviously, or our Tinder days would be behind us), but we’ve discovered some golden rules for getting that match and making it stick…

The swipe – ‘To the left, to the left’

beyonce instagram

beyonce instagram

“I’m not shallow!” you cry as you swipe left yet again, but however hard you try, you’ll never think, “his personality looks great in that topless photo!” This goes both ways, so it’s best to make your profile stand out and convey you.

Ladies – if you’re looking for a mate, a partner, someone to help unload the shopping…

  • Keep it casual – What does the perfect selfie say about you? That you have too much time on your hands!
  • Avoid the overly-attractive friend photos (you wouldn’t want him mistaking you for your blonde babe of a BFF!)
  • Don’t be afraid to be silly – while it’s true you don’t spot personality from across the room, you can show more than your winning smile!
  • Don’t show off too much flesh. Best keep a little bit of mystery, eh?

Gents, unless your ‘perfect night out’ is a cheeky Nando’s washed down by a pitcher of glitter bombs (and a fumble in the loo) then avoid the following:

  • A scowling selfie suggests your personality might be more dour than dazzling.
  • Too much torso – We get it, you’re proud of your six pack. But whipping it out at the first flash of a camera is not necessary, and neither are gym selfies!
  • A photo with a billion ladies says “I’m a player”. A photo with your mates is more “I’m a normal guy with friends.” We like the friends option.

The chat – The good, the bad and the downright dirty


The first line sets the tone for your Tinder dalliance. A good line will get them hooked. A bad line and you’ve lost them forever. It’s a delicate balance between showing your personality, and coming on too strong…


  • “Hi, how’s it going?” – It’s going fine, Grandpa, thanks for asking.
  • “Hey baby/honey/darling” – Let me just go vomit.
  • “Are you free tonight? Where do you live?” – Bear with me while I call the police.

Try something a little more original. Our Wowcher-style favourites include:

  • “I see you’re into football… Do you reckon you’re a keeper?”
  • “I see you love skiing. I hope our conversation doesn’t go downhill from here.”
  • If in doubt, make a pun out of what you can see. Everyone loves a pun. A guy had a parrot as his first Tinder pic. My line was “you look like you’re in parrotdise.”

The date


It might seem easy, but what about the little stuff? What if they see you, change their mind and leave? How do you greet them? Who orders first? How do you say goodbye?


  • Handshake. It’s too formal and cold.
  • If you have very, very, very sweaty hands, try not to touch them. Don’t hold hands, don’t touch their hair and definitely don’t, under any circumstances, touch their face.
  • Talk to his/her chest, butt, nose, or anywhere other than the eyes. They’re the windows to the soul, after all!
  • Invite them on a weekend break with you for your first date, with the caveat “you don’t have to tell your friends where you’re going…”


  • Interested is interesting. Ask them questions about themselves.
  • Put your height on your profile. It’s not obvious from your pictures unless you’re next to a measuring wall. If you’re a 5″9′ lady unexpectedly meeting a 5″3′ fella who can’t reach your cheek and accidentally kisses your neck instead, it’s probably not fun.
  • Be a gentleman. Be a lady. Essentially, have manners.
  • Kiss before the end of the date, otherwise it might be outside a tube station, on a bus or in front of a taxi driver. It’s awkward. So go on, lean in from a darkened corner and smack ‘em on the lips!

The ditch – be kind, be gentle, be gone

jamesnixonsteel instagram

jamesnixonsteel instagram

You’re halfway through the date and you realise something: It’s horrible. There are many reasons why it’s not going well, but what if you find yourself in a situation where you want to leave, pronto? We’ve compiled a list of real life Tinder ditches. Feel free to choose your preferred method.

“My sister’s fallen down the stairs!”

Get your ‘Mum’ to call with a family emergency. Phone rings. “Hello?… What? Sis has fallen down the stairs?! She’s not OK? OK… I’m coming now!” Apologise, and exit before they remember that you don’t have a sister, and that your family live in a different country…

“I’m just going outside for a cigarette…

Out you go, open your phone, open Uber, order Uber, and before you know it, you’re safely home! Just make sure you’re polite enough to send an apologetic text, so they’re not waiting for you…

Run. Away. Fast. (We don’t really recommend this. It’s mean.)

Go to the loo. Take your stuff with you. And then… run!

gomofarah instagram

gomofarah instagram

And, if all else fails…

“My Grandma died.”

“My grandmother has just passed away, and I couldn’t possible date anyone right now.” Yes, we have used this one. No, we’re not ashamed. OK, we’re a bit ashamed, but it worked!

And there you have it. Everything we think you need to know for a successful Tinder trip. You’re welcome.