The Wowcher Guide to Breaking New Year’s Resolutions

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Dictionary definition: Resolution. NounA firm decision to do or not to do something.

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What is it about the end of the year that makes us feel like we should suddenly change? We were doing perfectly well eating pizza and watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on Netflix in November, thanks very much, but as soon as January arrives, the obligation to get off the sofa and do a little jog on the spot kicks in. According to The Guardian this year, about 32% of us have made a New Year’s resolution for 2016, but a whopping 63% of those who took the survey also admitted to breaking one in the past (we’re going to ignore the other 37%, because we think they’re lying). So this year, we’re taking a stand. We’re making the very firm decision NOT to change. Who likes conforming to what’s expected, anyway? Here’s our list of popular New Year’s resolutions that you can resolutely ignore for 2016.

1. Hit your goal weight

This is the big one. The resolution you make every year. You will FINALLY get to your goal weight, slip your lithe frame into a little black dress and post a before and after picture of yourself on Instagram to show the world how fab you look. Eating healthy and exercising is a great thing, and we applaud and salute you for sticking to your goals, but let’s face it – eating like a rabbit is pretty un-hare-able (sorry). It’s a well-known fact that crash diets rarely work, and the happiest, healthiest people are the ones that balance healthy eating with enjoying themselves! So why not make 2016 about eating more? Try new foods, savour your favourites, visit a swanky restaurant and sample different cuisines. Just make sure you take the time to do and eat the things that make you happy – life’s too short not to!

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2. Travel the world

You were definitely jealous when your friend Beatrice travelled the world in 2006 and posted smug pictures with elephants and baby tigers. You might want to follow in her footsteps and see the world this year, but honestly, it’s also likely that Beatrice was sleeping on a lumpy bed without air con, covered in mosquito bites and dealing with a terrible case of Delhi belly the entire time. Beatrice is a show off. There’s no shame in saving money if you’re on a budget – there’s so many wonderful places to discover in Britain that are often overlooked for warmer (sweatier) climes! Why not relax in a beautiful Cornish castle, stay at a chocolate-box Cotswolds inn or enjoy the best bits of a European city break without leaving the country? 2016 could be the year you fall back in love with Britain, rainy days and all.

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3. Meet ‘The One’

You’ve downloaded Tinder, signed up for OkCupid, deleted Plenty of Fish (a string of disasters from start to finish) and shaved your legs for the first time since October. You’re officially ready to go forth into the world and meet your very own Jamie Dornan. If 2016 is the year you’re planning to fall in love and have lots of cute, chubby babies, we wish you godspeed on your noble quest. But you know what? If you don’t meet the right guy this year, that’s also pretty darn great. Focusing solely on yourself and being selfish is fun, and it leaves you free to do all sorts of things, like spending quality time with your friends and making amazing memories. This could be the year you see Adele with the girls, update your CV to nab the job of your dreams or learn a new language! Or, you know, just the year you try and teach your cat how to play Game of Thrones monopoly with you. Whatever.

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4. Stop procrastinating

Whenever you sit down to relax, there’s nearly always something else that you tell yourself you should be doing. Yes, it would be wonderful to fulfil your lifelong dream and finish learning that language/knitting that scarf/writing your best-selling novel all in one year, but putting a stop to wasting time actually wastes valuable time that could be spent eating yourself into a coma and having an afternoon nap on the sofa (it’s backwards logic, but we’re sticking to it). Have a hot bath, wrap yourself up in a snuggly blanket, tuck in to some ice cream and get The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies on – you deserve it!

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So there you have it. 2016: the year you give up on giving up. Happy New Year!

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