The Anti-Lent Guide

Antilentbanner

If you’ve always treated Lent as a second attempt at your New Year’s resolutions (including your yearly effort to stop consuming your weekly allowance of chocolate-based calories during one Netflix binge) then it might be time to give up the good fight. In a world with Trump, Brexit and no Bowie, maybe 2017 should be the year of being kind to ourselves. And what better way than by being very unkind to our bodies? Besides, indulgence is just as biblically grounded as 40 days in desert-like conditions:

Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry – Ecclesiastes 8:15

So if you think about it, there’s really no excuse! Whether you fall under lapsed Catholic, doubting Thomas or Pope pious, just repeat to yourself – “I deserve this”.

Eat

You’ve always been a fan of the fur, doe-eyed over dead deer on the side of the road and generally opposed to being mean to our meaty friends. But slice them up, fry them and coat them in ketchup between two slices of white bread and morality melts away. While for forty days some of us will be choking down Quorn, we say stand up and accept that, while it is nice to be kind to animals, you’re an animal too! Be nice to yourself and chow down on a Campbells deluxe 20pc steak hamper or get someone to do the dirty work for you at El Toro in Hammersmith.

Portrait of the beautiful smiling, girl eating chocolate cookies isolated on gray background.

But if a sweet tooth (rather than a… meat tooth?) is the thorn in your side, refuse to join the ranks of Bounty-banners and KitKat-less crusaders this year. Chocolate is universally recognised as great and three million years of cocoa-chompers can’t be wrong, so why should you wait for Easter? Indulge in the sweetest sin with a VIP chocolate tour of London or plan a long, romantic night in for one with a gourmet chocolate pizza.

Drink

If your binging is more the sort that finds you sans-wallet, sick-coated and lying in bed with the remnants of the dirtiest of kebabs by your side (Please drink responsibly; visit drinkaware.co.uk for more advice), then maybe a belated Dry January is the more obvious choice for you.

entspannte frau genießt ein glas rotwein

But hey, pass it off as a 40-day long communion and our offer of 16 bottles of awarding-sinning Spanish red wine is just the thing for you! You could even opt for two indulgences for the price of one by pairing luxury chocolate making and Prosecco. I think we’ve all agreed: in a world of uncertainty and unrest, we could all do with a large glass of something strong.

Be merry

If it’s not Mars bars, meat or margaritas, then there’s only one form of abstinence left to abstain from abstaining from! While we wouldn’t recommend bringing an innocent child into the world right now, there’s plenty of other ways to rock your world while the world is so rocky.

red wine on a tray in the hands of a bartender

Lead them into temptation with a boudoir or dudoir photoshoot, whether it’s tighty-whities or a nice nightie you’re parading. Or go downtown with a trip to Chocolate City, where the tastiest troupe of male dancers will put on a show to get your mouth watering. Merry Lent, indeed!

Please note – all deals featured may not be live.